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On June 13, the fourth anniversary of our mother’s death, my sister and I were talking about how we missed her now more than ever. We realized what we missed most was the ability to touch her, to see her in person, and to give her a hug. Although she had lost the capacity to communicate, while she was alive we could still give and receive hugs. Our mother loved to touch. When I was younger, her desire to touch was an irritant. Now I would give anything to feel her presence and give her a hug once again.
Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines hug as follows: “To press tightly, especially in the arms; to hold fast: cherish; to stay close to.” Touch provides comfort, security, affection. Gentle loving physical contact can bring peace to the soul; convey understanding, concern, and love.
Mom had TIA dementia, which slowly over time took away her ability to communicate with the rest of the family. When dementia has robbed a love one of the ability to verbally communicate or even recognize family members, a warm hug can speak volumes. When we were no longer able to talk to Mom, we learned other ways to connect. Touching conveys a powerful message that we are present in our loved ones life and they are still present and active in ours.
While our family has never been particularly touchy-feely, in later years Mom led the way in breaking the emotional and physical distance between us. That is probably why we are feeling her loss so strongly now. She was the emotional glue that held our family together. Unfortunately, we are now denied the very thing we miss the most, the ability to touch and hug our mother.
What do you most cherish about your loved one? What will you miss when they are no longer with you?
