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As our parents age, many of us find ourselves having to cope with our parents declining health. Not only do we need to help them deal with a growing number of health issues, but also make such decisions as whether they should stay in their own home, move in with a family member, or relocate to an assisted living facility. To compound the stress, we all must try to work our way through the maze of a cumbersome health care system on behalf of our parent.
Trying to traverse that route can feel overwhelming for those who are new to complex health care and insurance systems. By shear necessity, we become informed advocates on behalf of our parent as we seek immediate treatment, and short or long term care. For those who are new to the numerous phone calls, redundant questions, and especially challenges to our right to even speak on our parents’ behalf, the process can feel overwhelming.
Trial and error
What many of us find is that we need to be persistent during long phone calls, learn to ask the right questions to even arrive at the correct location, and learn to think quickly on our feet for the myriad decisions we will need to make, sometimes based on little information.
After all, the quality of life of our parent is often at stake depending on our answers. The process can also feel overwhelming when siblings disagree as to what care their parents need, what type of living arrangements are needed and how much money their care will cost. Trying to navigate the world of health care and insurance when families don’t even agree as to what type of care is necessary, adds an increased burden on the one who is attempting to manage their loved ones care, or find a program that best suits their needs.
Tips to consider
- Choose one family member to be the personal advocate, or hire someone to do this for the family. The other family members must come to some kind of consensus or at least a majority decision. By having one voice, seniors will have consistent and reliable care rather than numerous voices trying to tell caregivers what to do.
- Become familiar with the complex rules and regulations of the Medicare system. There are deadlines to meet and opportunities to become aware of in order to receive optimal care. You can find out more information about Medicare at www.medicare.gov or seek an attorney who specializes in Medicare law.
- Keep your elderly parents medical history and list of medications available both when you are on the phone and when you take them to medical appointments or they go to the hospital. Health care providers need the most updated information in order to make the best decisions for their care.
- Consider providing the personal family advocate with power of attorney that spells out the wishes of your loved one. Having the wishes of your parent known and in writing will cut down on much of the dissention that can plague families especially during an emergency. Try to keep the family focused on the needs of the parent and off of their own individual agenda. If necessary, arrange for a court appointed advocate who will have the best interest of the aging parent in mind.
- Make sure your loved one’s daily needs are met during the often long process of arranging alternative care. They still need to keep such appointments as dental, optical, and routine medical care. Blood draw lab visits, and prescription drug renewals can often add to the craziness of your life as advocate or caregiver.
Sometimes as families are attempting to take care of an aging parent, they look at the greater need while neglecting the daily needs of their parent. If possible, the parent should continue with social and emotional needs such as attending senior center functions, attending the church of their choice, visiting or receiving visits from long time friends or grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Help your parent stay in their home as long as possible even as you are preparing them for their next move.
There are tough decisions ahead when our parents are aging to the point they can no longer care for themselves. Hopefully these pointers will help your family make the best of a difficult and often emotionally traumatic time.
