Most of us remember what it was like when our darling children turned 13. They turned into kids we vaguely recognized and didn’t come out of it until seven or eight years later. Now you are a grandparent, you have the pleasure of watching your own children struggling with their teenagers. What is interesting is that the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren, no matter how old they are, seems to stay pretty much intact.
While parents seem to think their teens do not want to communicate with them, actually its more the opposite. Teenagers would love to have someone to listen to their concerns – they just want to be heard with receiving a lecture. Who better to play that role than their favorite grandparent! If a teenager can find an adult they can talk to it really helps them get through his or her tough teen years.
If you want to be the grandma or grandpa that becomes a willing ear to your teenage grandchildren, someone they can to about whatever is eating them up inside, all you have to do is open the flood gates of communications. The grandkids will pour their hearts out to you. And as a grandparent, there is probably nothing you would love more.
Phase one. Modern teenagers are not used to conventional letters. To them communications is email, instant messaging or text messaging over the phone. So they don’t know the thrill they can get by just seeing a card or letter from someone they love come in the good old fashioned U.S. Mail. So to start priming the pump of communications, start sending your grandkids cards.
You don’t need to make the cards the lovey-dovey kind that gets all mushy. Be courageous and look at the hip cards and the really funny ones that will make the kids laugh and make them look forward to the next card they get from you.
This can become a hobby and a passion between grandparents and grandchildren. If you have 5 teenage grandkids, every week find 5 really cute and funny cards to send them. Then think of something clever to say on each card and just end it, “I love you – Grandma”, that sends a powerful message that you want to communicate and yet keeps the communication fun for them!
Phase two. Every now and then, write them a letter. Don’t make it a long letter and certainly not a preachy letter. But make it light and fun. Find out what TV shows and movies they like and watch them. Get to know who the kids like in popular culture. You have the time so follow the gossip web sites so you can write to your grandkids about things they are talking about. All of a sudden, the light is going to come on and they will realize, “Hey, Grandpas cool”.
Phase three. Since kids like to communicate by computer, you communicate by computer. Take some classes and learn how to use email, instant messaging and even text messaging. Then when you are pretty good at it, tease the kids with your IM nickname or your email box.
You can find all kinds of digital toys such as YouTube that you can use to lure those kids to talk to you online. Join Twitter or FaceBook and friend your grandchildren. The main thing is they will open the doors to their email and to their IM to you. The safety of talking on line plus the knowledge that grandpa or grandma is pretty cool will let the kids know that they can talk to you. Before long the flood gates will open like never before. And when they are pouring their hearts out to you via IM or email, you will have the great blessing of all – communication between you and your grandchildren. And that’s what being a grandparent is all about.
4 responses so far ↓
1 Jerri // Jun 23, 2011 at 10:17 pm
10 Things to do with Teenage Grandkids
Some people are baby people some people are teenage people. I am a baby person. I loved being a parent to my children when they were growing up and I love grandparenting Ashley, Jordyn and Makenzie. It is so easy to think of activities and games to play. I usually don’t have to do much of the talking either. But I know I will struggle when they grow up and “turn into” teenagers.
I believe that it is harder than ever to be a teen in today’s world. Having a grammy or grampy to spend time with can be a comfort and an escape from the daily pressures teenagers face. I know that providing a space of unconditional love is the first step. Below you will find activities that I have found to be great starting points.
Activities for grandparent time with teenagers:
1. Don’t try too hard to get him to talk. That should not be the end goal. Just get involved in an activity, talk about what you are doing and let the conversation flow.
2. Instead of asking, “What do you want to do?” ask “What was your favorite thing we did together when you were little?” and then do it even if you then have to have a water fight in the back yard.
3. Ask her to help with a project; like making a small scrapbook of family photos for an elderly relative.
4. Go to a movie. You don’t have to talk while you are there and you have something to talk about when you leave.
5. Have him teach you how to play his favorite video game.
6. Listen to her choice of music.
7. Make his favorite childhood meal together.
8. Watch Real World on MTV together. I learned a lot about teenage culture while watching this with my kids.
9. Let her bring a friend with her to visit you. This can provide a buffer and be a lot of fun.
10. Don’t feel guilty if nothing you tried has worked.
2 Edie // Jun 24, 2011 at 9:03 am
What a great list. I checked out your site and will mention it in an upcoming post. Thanks for sharing.
3 Wendell (aka Rocking Chair Wisdom) // Jul 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I have 4 granddaughters and 1 grandson ranging from age 1 to age 13
The form of communication may have changed but the need for communication has not.
Kids want to know that their ideas and opinions are just as valuable as those of adults. They may no revere the sentimental birthday cards or the handwritten letters just like we may not appreciate receiving a letter written in flowing calligraphy and the King’s English.
We are social animals and seek a way of being unique while not standing out from the crowd.
Our teens of today have come up with their own language base upon the technology of the day. But didn’t we do the same? Pig Latin anyone?
4 Edie // Jul 9, 2011 at 9:55 am
Great observations, Wendell! The form and style of communication has changed over the years, but you are right that the need has not. There might be a greater need now than ever before because of all the distractions of today. While teens do have their own language today, the need to communicate with adults is probably at an all time high. Many teens don’t have the total family unit we had back in the day when most families lived fairly close together. Now grandmas and grandpas can be anywhere in the world.
Technology has helped us communicate to some extent with cellphones, texting, email, FB and Twitter. But on the other hand, we get so busy with life that we don’t always have the deep meanful conversations we need.
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