Welcome back!
Those of us who are caregivers know, or should know, the importance of attitude. If I didn’t know before, I certainly know now that how I face each day plays a large part in how that day will go.
If I wake up in the morning with a chip on my shoulder, my day will go in that direction. If, on the other hand, I wake up in a good mood, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, life is great – well, you get the picture – then my day will tend to continue in that direction.
That scenario is great except that I usually rise before the birds sing and definitely before the sun rises. Still, my attitude is paramount to where my day is headed.
Webster defines attitude as:
- the arrangements of the parts of the body or figure (posture)
- a position assumed for a specific purpose (i.e. threatening)
- a mental position with regard to a fact or state (i.e. helpful)
- a negative or hostile state of mind
- a cool, cocky, defiant, or arrogant manner
For our purpose, I left out the ballet and aircraft or space lab entries, although, depending on our attitude and where we are headed, we may revisit these definitions.
Our Posture
When we arise, our posture heading into the day can play a large part in our attitude. Are we slumped over in defeat, fatigue, frustration, depression, feeling like an overwhelming burden is on our shoulders? Or are our shoulders thrown back in a manner that shows we are ready to take on the challenges we may face? We should check our posture to see if we look like we are weighed down, then make necessary adjustments that will help us regain an upright positive posture.
On the caregiver forums I hear too many people expressing their fatigue and frustration because they are alone – family members, neighbors, and friends have disappeared while they are left holding the bag, so to speak, when it comes to caring for a loved one or friend. There are people out there crying for help, literally! They are at the end of their rope.
So, what does that say for their caregiving abilities? How are they treating and reacting to the one they are caring for? Unfortunately, whether they want it to or not, their attitude is going to affect their style of care and their loved one’s mental and emotional health. And sometimes their physical well-being as well.
Our Stance
Which leads us to definition number two – what position are we showing our loved one? Are we holding a threatening stance, a loving posture, a reaching out of a hand for a gentle touch, a stepping toward for a hug or kiss? What is our positional attitude toward our loved one?
Sometime today, maybe even a couple of times, take a few moments to check your physical posture when you are in the presence of your loved one. What does your posture say to them or to others in the area? What is it telling you?
Our Mental Posture
What is our mental position towards caregiving in general and towards our loved one in particular? If we are a caregiver because no own else stepped up to the plate, that will determine our mental posture. If we are caring for our mother or father or another family member out of love, that will slant our attitude to the positive side.
If we are resentful, angry, dreading the start of each day, those feelings and emotions direct our path for that day. Unfortunately, by the very nature of caregiving, starting out the day with these emotions can only lead one on a downhill path.
If we are a caregiver out of love, respect, concern, compassion, and a sense of giving to someone from our heart and soul, our whole attitude and ability to care for our loved one will reflect that mental posture.
Our State of Mind
A negative or hostile state of mind is dangerous for the patient and the caregiver. Anyone who is feeling hostile in a caregiving situation needs to seek help as quickly as possible. In the county where I live is an organization called Tri-County Office on Aging, an agency that has tremendous resources to help our aging population. There are many other organizations in our county that are more than willing to help caregivers.
There are numerous organizations you can find online or in the local phone book that would be glad to step in and lend a hand. Many do so on a volunteer basis, or for a very low cost.
Many pastors will listen to our frustrations, pray with us, offer alternative options, and often can point us to helpful resources.
Our Manner
Consider how our loved one may react to our manner. How do we act or behave in front of them? Are we respectful of those we care for?
Most of us had parents who would remind us to mind our manners. Back in the day we were taught to respect our elders. We always used Mr., Mrs., or Miss in addressing even the closest neighbor or friend of our parents.
Do we treat our loved one with the respect they deserve? Our attitude plays a large part in our success as a caregiver and how our care affects our loved one.
Ballerinas and Airplanes
Those of us who have watched the movements of a ballerina know the importance of position in their success. The exquisite movement and grace a ballerina exhibits comes from long hours of practice and attention to detail. The ballerina’s attitude, mental and emotional being, and manner are all part of their physical position and their success at their craft.
A spaceship or an airplane needs to be in the proper position to safely reenter the atmosphere or land on the ground. Definite procedures and guidelines are adhered to and an attitude of doing what needs to be done to bring about a positive result has a direct bearing on whether the landing is a success.
Caregiving is much the same way. There are guidelines as to how one treats another person, especially when someone is physically, mentally, and emotionally vulnerable to or dependent on us. Our attitude going into each day has a direct bearing on how we treat the one we are caring for.
We caregivers must, each and every morning, do whatever it takes to position our attitude toward the positive. Whether we pray, meditate, journal, jog, rant on caregiver forums, or cry out to others for help, we must take the time to adjust our attitude toward the proper positive position.
Our attitude toward elder care will not only help us throughout the day, but will enhance our ability to do what we set out to do – provide the best possible care for someone who is in need.
1 response so far ↓
1 Carol D. O'Dell // Feb 22, 2009 at 3:22 pm
I’ve enjoyed reading several of your posts. I write a similar blog on caregiving based issues, and I wholeheartedly agree with your “attitude-based” perspective. Caregiving can really do something to your head and heart–and it gives you a chance to really get to know yourself, and observe your thoughts and choices.
I cared for my mom in my home for the last close to three years of her life. She had Parkinsons’ and Alzheimer’s, and while it was challenging to say the least, I learned a lot.
Thanks again for your insights,
~Carol D. O’Dell
Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir
http://www.caroldodell.com